Member-only story
the more you want something, the more you don’t have it
on the duality of desire
The more you want something, the more you are reminded of the fact that you do not have it.
The more I want to be confident, the more aware I am of my own shyness and anxious tendencies. The more I want to be successful at something, the more I obsess over tiny mistakes that would otherwise mean nothing. The more I crave beauty, the more flaws I discover in the mirror.
Desire distorts our perception of reality — it paints a vivid image of a world where everything falls into place, where we achieve all our goals and are unconditionally loved and admired by everyone in our lives; only to remind us, again and again, that that world does not exist.
The moment we want something, its absence becomes painfully impossible to ignore.
Once I realised this, I wanted to cut off all forms of desire. I thought in doing so, I would finally be liberated from all the pain and distress that comes from wanting. But oh, the irony: I wanted to cut off all forms of desire; wanting hides plainly even in the request for its removal.
Perhaps desire is inseparable from being human. We are constantly reaching for something — a better life, a more passionate love, more money, more recognition, more freedom, more knowledge…
